December 31, 2014

Vision Quest 2015 - Action Planner

Goodbye 2014 & Hello 2015!!

I spent the month of December doing an unusual kind of planning for the new year. I decided to listen to the Vision Quest meditation that I do in my Steering By Starlight groups 6 times. My hope was that I would get some very clear ideas about what to focus on in 2015. A whole bunch of people joined me in this endeavour on Facebook and it seems my experiment worked!! 

Feel free to have a listen to the meditation yourself if you could use some clarity.

Now, the task at hand for 2015 is to figure out how to turn dreams and visions into reality - and for that having a good plan makes all the difference!

January, February & March seem to be the time when we either make our plans stick or when they fall apart. 

So my friend & colleague Deborah Rose and I have put together a gorgeous planner and are now inviting everyone to join us for a weekly call for the first quarter of the year to stay on track.

We believe that using a tool to help you see your goals on paper, and breaking them down in to real action steps that you can schedule in your calendar, is where the magic happens.

But we also know that having company, help, and accountability along the way is perhaps the most useful tool of all. So every Tuesday at 3 pm EST, 12 noon PST, we will be holding a call to keep you company and offer some help along the way.

December 18, 2014

Celebrate Yourself!

As we head into the last few days of year lots of people are looking forward to what they want to manifest in the new year - yay 2015!

But before we do that Perry Gladstone & I had a great chat about why it's so important to look back on the year's accomplishments. We need to really see what we have learned, persevered through, and overcome - to see what new tools we know have, what new understanding we have, and what new strengths we have now.

Finding a way to share this & celebrate it with the people in our lives who really get us and care about us gives us a touchstone and a marker for our growth and achievements that really help us remember and integrate them so that we can continue to access it all when new challenges arise.

So one of my goals in 2015 is to create more celebrations for what we've all make it through and what we have now that we're on the other side. Do have a listen!

November 24, 2014

A look back

A little over 3 years ago, shortly before my 40th birthday and not long after quitting a job I really didn't like, this is what I was saying about my life:

"I've had a month off of work to do quite a bit of thinking about what to do with my life. I've been having a hard time coming up with a clear idea of what that is. I think that has something to do with the fact that I very rarely ask myself what I really want. I've spent most of my life trying to do what other people have wanted or needed me to do, or doing what I thought I had to do.

I want to live on a boat. I really want to live on a boat in California or maybe Hawaii - it's gotta be somewhere hot all year round. But what do I want to do?

As a result of repeatedly asking myself this question, some interesting things have arrived in my life to help me find the answers. And here it is: I want to figure out how best to serve with love.

I want to help people by doing what I'm good at - which is helping people see the forces at work in their lives and how to change them or just change how they think about them and be happier. I want to help people get happy! Now who wants some help?"

Right after that, I started living on a boat in the summers! And going to LA during the winter. This year I'm going to spend some time in Costa Rica! And what do I do with my life? That last paragraph is exactly what I do.

I committed to the idea that had been with me for over 2 years and sounded loopy (life coaching - who does that?) that got me to where I am now. That and actually doing the work myself that I share with my clients.

So you know what? This coaching thing actually works! It got me what I wanted in my life. Let me show you how!

my view from the boat

September 17, 2014

Q & A with Aislinn - one year later

Last year around this time, my friend Aislinn was interested in taking my Steering By Starlight course but she had a few questions, so we had a little chat that turned into a lovely Q&A session which you can find here.

I thought that since it's now a year later and Aislinn took both Part 1 & Part 2 of the course, and is now back for Part 3, it would be fun & interesting to hear her thoughts now. She has once again generously offered to share our most recent chat about her experiences to give you-all an idea of what it's like!

Jessica: Do you remember what attracted you to taking the Steering By Starlight class in the first place?
Aislinn: I really was just so happy to hear you were doing something that sounded so appealing and inviting - and also a little scary. I loved the idea of digging in and eventually "making magic". It was *exactly* what I needed.

Jessica:  How long do you think it took to feel comfortable in that first group?
Aislinn: Hmm - maybe our third class, was when I started to feel more at ease? I feel like - once I started to listen to everyone's stories and feelings, and realizing how many concerns and problems that we faced were so similar - I felt much more comfortable. I realized everyone wanted to hear about my life, and I felt much more comfortable talking about it knowing we ALL were there for similar reasons - to incite change, to find something out about ourselves, to resolve conflict and strife...

Jess: I feel like much of the magic that happens is due to the group itself. Did you feel that hearing about everyone else's stuff helped you see yourself and your own stuff differently?
Aislinn: Absolutely! It helped me to realize I wasn't the only person going through tough stuff - I immediately felt less isolated and alone. It also helped to put things into perspective for me - and realize that everyone has things they need to dig in and deal with. Hearing about others reactions and feelings towards similar situations that I was in, and hearing their perspective and understanding was so encouraging. One of my points of hesitation was that I wasn't entirely sure I wanted to do this "with" people - and now, I really wouldn't have it any other way.

Jess: I said that everyone who really does the work experiences some amazing changes. What did you change and what felt the most amazing?
Aislinn: I changed - a lot of things, haha! I was in a job where I was really not very happy at all - and, I changed my attitude and perspective about the position and tried to lead with my power - and, just going in and acting so differently than how I was accustomed to - in control, and satisfied, and happy - felt GREAT. It still wasn't exactly right though - and so I quit, which I was so WORRIED about, but as soon as I realized I had the choice to just - not be there, to leave and go do something else - that realization was incredibly liberating.
Also - the work I did regarding my romantic relationships, assessing what I really wanted in a partner, writing it down, then only accepting that - has also been fantastic. It's so much easier. And, now I feel like I really know what I want, and won't settle for anything else. It's really turned around the way I approach dating and meeting new people.

Jess: How about the changes in how you feel about yourself and your own power? I get the sense that you've changed your beliefs about who you're allowed to be in the world.
Aislinn: Haha - I most definitely did. I feel more like myself now than I have in a very long time. I now feel confident and comfortable in being whomever, and whatever I choose. It's wonderful!! I feel like before, I felt very restricted - I could only see limited and very narrow possibilities for how I could act and what my choices were. I feel like I'd forgotten I was invincible - and now, I've remembered!

Jess: Wow! I love that! So, would you say the time & cost investment was worth it?
Aislinn: (I love it too!) and - absolutely. 110%. Without a second thought.

Jess: Yay! How would you describe my approach to the class?
Aislinn: Hmm - very welcoming and inviting, and definitely encouraging. But, also fun and sassy - there wasn't a single class where I didn't laugh until I was in tears at least once. However - you don't take any nonsense when it comes down to the nitty-gritty stuff.

Jess: Did it feel like a safe space to share very personal things?
Aislinn: Yes. Absolutely. You very kindly but directly pointed out when I was intentionally trying to avoid dealing with an issue because it was uncomfortable, or unpleasant - but I always felt comfortable sharing things that made me feel vulnerable, because of the gentle and compassionate way in which you welcomed it forth.

Jess: So you did Part 1 & Part 2, why are you back for Part 3?
Aislinn: Hmm - I still have things I need to dig into and deal with. I mean - I feel I always will. But, I love the group setting, as well as - well, you! You being there to kick me in the ass and cheer me on along the way is a big incentive to go through Part 3.

Jess: Anything else you'd like to add for anyone thinking about taking the class for the first time?
Aislinn: Do it. Just - jump in there and get started. There are open arms waiting for you!! Also - do your homework!!! Really. It helps so much more to put in the effort to fully work through the exercises, EVEN if it seems like it's not your thing at the beginning.

Steering By Starlight is an 8 week guided journey through the book of the same name by Martha Beck, my mentor. The cost is $400 and includes a 1:1 session with me & snacks!

January 26, 2014

Getting what you ask for ...

Proof - it helps and I'm always on the lookout for it. So here's just a small example of some proof I got recently.

It's been clear to me for some time now that I want to work with couples. In fact, for years I did work with couples - teaching them the fine balance of dancing in one another's arms. And lately I've been wanting a new mentor and teacher to help lead me into this space so that I can help couples create the transformation and healing they want in their relationships 

So I've been walking my talk - saying out loud "I want this",  talking and emailing "I want this", not knowing where this will come from, just "this is the work I want to learn more about, this is the work I want to dive into". And lo and behold a friend and colleague must have picked up my vibe because she posted exactly what I've been looking for. 

If you're wondering if asking is really enough, here's the proof. This is exactly what I was wanting. "Beyond wrong thinking and right thinking there is a field - I will meet you there." This is where I'm going.

In the meantime, if you're looking for someone to help lead you back to yourself, this is what I'm doing right now. Showing people the tools to re-center, to re-connect, and to rejoice in themselves. I have classes starting soon. Let me know if you'd like to talk about anything. 

January 02, 2014

Less Suffering - More Joy - Bring it 2014!

When I tell people I'm a "life coach" the question I often get is - "how'd you get into that?" but I feel like the question with a more interesting answer is "why?".

Because that's what drives me - the why. I want to help people with the very same things I have struggled with because suffering sucks. But you know what? It's also optional and mostly self-created.

I want to help people end their own suffering ...

Suffering from dragging childhood coping mechanisms into adult relationships and then having no idea why they don't work any more. (you can learn new things!)

Suffering from believing that people and circumstances beyond their control create their feelings. (they don't, your beliefs do, and that's within your control)

Suffering from giving away all of your energy to others because happiness will only come if you make other people happy. (nope)

I want to connect with people who are looking to end their own suffering. Cause when you want it enough, it can be done. With joy and with courage and with support.

This is a journey and I'm still on it, but I've learned some wonderful things about how to stop my own suffering and all I really want to do is share that with as many people who are interested. So that we can all make the world a more joyful and peaceful place. 

Less suffering. More joy. Bring it 2014. Let's do this!

Let me know if you'd like to join me Fire Up Your Life!