November 26, 2014

In support of selfishness

In support of selfishness (or as I like to think of it, your real job of caring for yourself and growing into maturity):

"Of all the judgements that we pass in life, none is as important as is the one we pass on ourselves, for that judgement touches the very center of our existence. No significant aspect of our thinking, motivation, feelings, or behavior is unaffected by our self-evaluation.


To honor the self is to be willing to think independently, to live by our own mind, and to have the courage of our own perceptions and judgements.

To honor the self is to be willing to know not only what we think, but also what we feel, what we want, need, desire, suffer over, are frightened or angered by - and to accept our right to experience such feelings. The opposite of this attitude is denial, disowning, repression - self-repudiation.

To honor the self is to preserve an attitude of self-acceptance - which means to accept as what we are, without self-oppression or self-castigation, without any pretence about the truth of our own being, pretence aimed at deceiving either ourselves or anyone else.

To honor the self is to live authentically, to speak and act from our innermost convictions and feelings.

To honor the self is to refuse to accept unearned guilt, and to do our best to correct such guilt as we may have earned.

To honor the self is to be committed to our right to exist which proceeds from the knowledge that our life does not belong to others and that we are not here on earth to live up to someone else's expectations.

To honor the self is to be in love with our own life, in love with our possibilities for growth and for experiencing our distinctly human potentialities.

Thus we can begin to see that to honor the self is to practise selfishness in the highest, noblest, and least understood sense of the word. And this requires enormous independence, courage, and integrity." ~ Nathaniel Branden, Honoring The Self


November 24, 2014

A look back

A little over 3 years ago, shortly before my 40th birthday and not long after quitting a job I really didn't like, this is what I was saying about my life:

"I've had a month off of work to do quite a bit of thinking about what to do with my life. I've been having a hard time coming up with a clear idea of what that is. I think that has something to do with the fact that I very rarely ask myself what I really want. I've spent most of my life trying to do what other people have wanted or needed me to do, or doing what I thought I had to do.

I want to live on a boat. I really want to live on a boat in California or maybe Hawaii - it's gotta be somewhere hot all year round. But what do I want to do?


As a result of repeatedly asking myself this question, some interesting things have arrived in my life to help me find the answers. And here it is: I want to figure out how best to serve with love.

I want to help people by doing what I'm good at - which is helping people see the forces at work in their lives and how to change them or just change how they think about them and be happier. I want to help people get happy! Now who wants some help?"

Right after that, I started living on a boat in the summers! And going to LA during the winter. This year I'm going to spend some time in Costa Rica! And what do I do with my life? That last paragraph is exactly what I do.

I committed to the idea that had been with me for over 2 years and sounded loopy (life coaching - who does that?) that got me to where I am now. That and actually doing the work myself that I share with my clients.

So you know what? This coaching thing actually works! It got me what I wanted in my life. Let me show you how!

my view from the boat